Not Pattaya Scams. Funny true stories

Happy Herb Pizza 1: Phnom Penh

A friend used to go to Phnom Penh in Cambodia regularly, going back to about 2002.

One trip he made was with his friend, they had three nights in the capital as usual, taking the small group to visit day time tourist attractions. The night time was similar to what you’d imagine Pattaya was like years ago with just a handful of visitors.

The first evening there and the two friends were discussing what to eat.
One of them remembered a pizza restaurant had been recommended on the waterfront in the centre of town. It was called Happy Herb Pizza.
There was a good reason it was called Happy Herb – to do with the unusual toppings which were available.

This was in the days when Cambodia was just getting back to something approaching normal after the horror of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge.
There was still a lot of lawlessness, so some dope in a pizza was low on anyone’s priority then.

They found the Happy Herb Pizza restaurant. (I’ve not been for a couple of years, I wonder if it’s still going?)

The two guys went in and ordered their pizza. The waitress serving them then asked how they would like the topping – normal, happy, or extra happy?
What an option! They both said “Extra happy” together.

About fifteen minutes went by and the pizza arrived. Looked good and had a nice, sort of familiar aroma to it. They sat and munched their way through the large 12 inch pizza between them.
It was very nice, but nothing “untoward” seemed to be happening.

They paid the bill and left, deciding to go to Sharky Bar on street 130.
Took them ten minutes on a motor bike taxi. They went upstairs to the bar and sat down. Ordered a beer each.

They were looking around at the eye-candy, finished their beer and ordered another.
That was when things started to become funny for no apparent reason. They realized the pizza topping was starting to kick in.
They looked at each other and couldn’t help but smirk, then began to laugh at nothing, and each other, all at the same time.

Another beer. Now it was all getting really hilarious and people were starting to throw sideways glances in their direction.
One of those times when you imagine someone else in the bar would say to the waitress, “I’ll have a bottle of whatever those guys are on.”
God, all this was funny! But why?

They thought they would go and have a look around at Martini bar on the other side of town. Ever so carefully they went down the stairs and hailed two motor bike taxis again.
In their best English (all languages were looking difficult by now), they told the taxi driver where they wanted to go.

Now everything started to get even more silly. They passed a huge billboard for the 555 brand of cigarettes. One of them pointed out the packet with the three fives on the front and said Ha, Ha, Ha! (Ha is five in Thai).
Hilarious.

The other friend was struggling to understand why every road junction they came to was in Birmingham (in England), where he came from. Very confusing.

At Martini they sat down at a table which had a very old video game machine in the middle. Must have been an hour they just sat staring at the demonstration mode it was playing in. Nothing much going on in their heads.

By now it must easily have been 2am or 3am. One of them checked the clock near the bar.
Only 8.30pm?

The rest of the evening was pretty surreal for them. Trying to snap out of it, and think - even slightly straight - was impossible.
They were picked up by two local girls who took advantage of their unclear state.
Made them feel like a piece of meat.

Later, in their rooms they both found it difficult to concentrate on anything, shaking their head to try and clear it. Not until the next morning.

On the third day they were due to leave Phnom Penh for Pattaya. The flight was due to depart early afternoon.
While they walked along the waterfront they saw Happy Herb Pizza again.

Afterwards they would never know why they went in and ordered three medium take away pizzas - all extra happy.
They still must have been unclear in their mind from two nights before.

So this is how one of the guys found himself on the flight back to U-Tapao airport near Pattaya with the clearly illegal food parcels in his bag.
Leaving the plane and walking through immigration the “carrier” was clearly relieved to be back safely.

Until.

The large female customs official had never checked anything in the past. Why now?
He opened his bag to show her inside. “Why do you have pizza in here?” she asked him. What could he say?
“They’re very nice. From Phnom Penh. Would you like a piece?”
She paused, thought better of it, then waved him through.

Talk about lucky.
Or stupid.

Read more: happy herb pizza 2

note:

The last time I was last in Phnom Penh, a new Pope had been elected by the cardinals in Rome.
(April 2005 - Pope BenedictXVI)
Howie’s Bar street 51 (near Walkabout) – Howie has very good spicy beef jerky.
We were in Howie’s, CNN was on in the background.

I thought I heard the CCN commentator say “Colonel Ratzinger” as opposed to Cardinal Ratzinger.
I nudged my friend. He was convinced I was winding him up.
Howie turned up the volume.
Twice more three of us heard the CNN commentator say “Colonel Ratzinger”
No word of a lie.
I have no axe to grind, but it was almost unbelievable.

On the same theme:
Later that month, a friend returned home to Australia after a holiday here. He told me there was a large hoarding he past on the side of the road, next to a church.

It said simply: “Welcome the good shepherd”
(Pope Benedict is German)